Parenting
Book review: DRIVE
09/11/09 14:56
Book review: Drive: 9 ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve by Janine Caffery
This is an awesome book! I borrowed it from the local library, and there is a link to Amazon if you need it. This book is about re-evalutating how you parent your children, in order to create children who not only want to move out and be adults one day, but who also have a motivation to succeed at life (not necessarily in financial terms).
The book begins by giving a history of Ms. Caffrey’s background and why she is qualified to write such a book. Then it goes into the state of our culture, and how we have raised a generation of children who have no drive or motivation. Isn’t that the truth? Her basic premise is that we have raised children who never feel discomfort and so they do not feel any need to get out of the nest. They are content to sit around and do nothing. She brings to light much of the plight of parents and illustrates exactly what we are doing to create these problems in our children. What an eye opener!!!
Next, there is a survey to pinpoint exactly where you are at parenting a child who has drive. I did pretty good, but knew there were some things I would need to work on to help my children succeed.
The book then goes into detail about 9 different strategies you can use to develop motivation in your children. I really woke up to these. I won’t go into detail about the strategies, because you owe it to yourself and your children to read this book.
Here is an excerpt from Oprahselects: Drive: 9 ways to Motivate Your Kids to Achieve by Janine Walker Caffrey
The quality of drive provides the momentum for a person to dream and achieve, creating a unique, independent life. Without it, a person is like a rudderless boat, drifting around a flat lake. In Drive, nationally renowned educator Dr. Janine Caffrey shows how to inspire your children and develop this vital characteristic. How do I get my child excited about learning? To enroll in a good college? To move out of the house? To create his own life? Designed to assist parents, educators, and counselors to get kids of all ages off the couch and into the world, Drive outlines nine specific steps proven to beat boredom and foster self-motivation and resourcefulness. Filled with quizzes, anecdotes, and practical strategies, Drive helps parents turn “Generation Me” into “Generation Move.”
Bottom line: what did I learn and work on changing?
1. Assignments in school take precedent over appointments whenever possible. I often get into the habit of running a few errands when I’m at an appointment, which takes away valuable school time. I make excuses about already being out, and about how bad traffic is after school, and then I’m upset when the kids don’t finish school! It is an easy trap for us.
2. Punishment should be swift, severe and complete. I often threaten until I turn purple, and then punish so much that it messes up all our lives. “You’re grounded forever!” Well, that was practical. I now understand to punish completely and not to take away something for a long period of time.
3. Let my kids fail. I want to catch them and heal them and protect them, and I have not let them fail enough. I watched my son cook quesadillas for the first time last week, and he made a mess and flipped one and saw the consequences of it being flipped too fast. He stomped around mad, but he corrected it himself. Sounds silly now, but at the time, I wanted to rush in and take over.
4. More let my kids fail, sort of. I try to teach the kids critical thinking, rather than giving them the answer, but I may have not succeeded so well with the 3rd child. Myself, as well as the older kids, easily step in and give him the answers. He now says, “How do I do this?’ handing you the paper and watching you do it for him. It is insidious, and I need to be more aware and let him think problems through rather than giving him the answer.
5. Allow my children to make more daily decisions. Give them more freedom to mess up and choose their own path, even if it is an inconvenience.
And I’m not even finished with the book!!! Seriously, I also learned to apply it to my marriage: don’t rush in to do something for your spouse just to help them out. Step back and let them do it themselves occasionally. They will be blessed by it.
I have a long way to go, but every day is an opportunity!
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